Friday, March 7, 2014

FUNNY STORIES FROM THE MENOPAUSE CLUB

Friends here are a collection of funny stories I have heard from women suffering from menopause. I know first hand that menopause is a serious disorder but, you can find yourself in some hilarious predicaments
sometime.  Read these stories and you'll see what I mean. The names have been changed to protect the afflicted.











One night Sandy felt  so hot she thought she would die. She thought that she might get some relief if she stood in front of the her refrigerator freezer.  This did help some. Then she thought, What if I took my night gown off and stood with the refrigerator door open.  She yanked the gown off and stood nude in front of the frig.  Just as she was about to say, Oh... aah! She heard her two kids scream. They yelled Mom, "What
are you doing?"  She yelled, "What are you two doing out of bed? " The kids ran from the kitchen to their bedrooms. She went resumed her position in front of  the frig as she started to burst into uncontrollable laughter.

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I was invited over for coffee at Sallie Ann's house on our day off from work.  We were sipping coffee and exchanging stories about how our lives had changed since we menopause. She stated that she didn't think that her moods had been affected by menopause. Her teen aged daughter interrupted us. She said, " Mom you are wrong!" Don't you remember when you got  mad and yelled at me for an hour because I burned
my toast?! Me and my dog Frisky hid outside when 
we could not stand to hear your yelling any longer.
"Do you remember when you made that man cry?"  
I looked at Sallie Ann in amazement. I asked her daughter, Millie to tell me what happened. Millie said she wasn't sure what made her mother so angry.   She said her mother had the guy pinned against the wall.  She was fussing and wagging with her finger in front of his face.  She only released the guy when
he began to cry.  Millie said she was embarrassed because a crowd had gathered near them. Sallie Ann told Millie to stop making up stories.  

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Darcy told me  a funny story.  She said that her husband had already gone to bed. She decided 
to go an hour later.  She could hear him snoring. 
She had a terrible hot flash just as she was getting ready to put her nightgown on.  She thought, I am not going to put this hot thing on. She decided to sleep in the nude on top of the covers until the hot 
flash passed. She was about to doze off when her husband murmured, Oh My! The sound of his voice made her wake up.  She could see the excitement 
in his eyes.  She told him, "Forget about it. I'm too  hot, so don't you get any crazy ideas!" He grumbled
in frustration because he knew better than  to mess with her during a hot flash! She admitted that she had
smacked him in the head with one of her ice packs a few weeks ago.  

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My friends and I have developed an age test. We look around in church and restaurants to see which ladies are fanning  profusely with hand held fans.  We think that we can guess their age because they are having hot flashes.  We do this, so that we won't feel silly or embarrassed when our next hot flash comes attacks us. I know that you have heard the phrase, "Misery loves company". We ordered two dozen oriental fans 
online because we have mutilated several of the church fans. We figured that we could at least look 
dignified when we have our hot flashes.












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Fancy had just started a new job.  She had
been trained on simple bookkeeping so that 
she could help Suzy, the office administrator 
every Friday.  She was left in charge of the 
office that day.  Customers kept coming to
the office and the boss was demanding that 
he be catered with cups of coffee. Fancy said 
that she was so jittery that day. She could not 
add two and two together and she was having 
mulitple hot flashes. She was ready to cry any
moment. She thanked God that Suzy came in
from lunch early. She could see that Fancy was 
a nervous wreck. She took her aside to see what 
was wrong. Fancy explained her dilemma. Suzy

gave her money to go purchase 1,000 mg of
Vitamin E.  She  said that this might help Suzy 
until she got her first check. Fancy told Suzy that
she saved her life. She was about to throw a cup 
of hot coffee on the boss if he came to her desk
one more time. This was not a good day to mess 
with her!!  Suzy said that she understood what she was going through. She made Fancy promise her
not to go without her medication again. She told her,"You had better sell your Mama" if you have 
no money for menopause medication.  She said 
that she was 40 years old when she had to under
go a complete hysterectomy. She had tried to go 
without her medication one time.  Her husband threatened to commit her to the mental ward. 
She was like a mad woman and was even having 
mild psychosis.  Fancy said, "Ok. I will never run 
out of medication again".  She also said that she would not sell her mama!

  









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